Whose "stuff" is this anyway?
Have you ever found yourself in the middle of an endless "blame game"? It might go something like this:
"If you wouldn't have done that, then ......." -
"Yeah, but that's because you said....."
"Well, it is all your fault!"
"NO, clearly it is ALL your fault!"
And so on and so on...
It is a great way to end up mired in hurt feelings, grudges, resentment, and doing damage to our relationships. So now what? Whose stuff is it anyway? Wouldn't it be great if we had a "Stuff Meter" that we could point at each other to detect who really owned the "stuff" that generated the disagreement? Since I haven't managed to develop one yet, here are a few alternatives to consider...
Reflect on the times when you have found yourself in similar situations, or the next time you find yourself in a conversation that appears to be headed in that direction, do yourself a favor. Take a stop back, take a few deep breaths, count to ten and think for a moment. Who or what in your past might you really be reacting or responding to? Who or what in the other person's life might they still be reacting or responding to? What life experience(s) might still generate the need to be on the defensive or argumentative instead of being focused on solutions? You may never completely sort it all out, sinc as you can see there could be a number of tappable contributing factors.
Since the only person you can change is you, a little soul searching can be worthwhile. And while you are in a reflective mode, consider the fact that perhaps your partner in the "blame game" might be dealing with some issues that you are not aware of, so when you allow yourself to express compassion, you may be pleasantly surprised by the results!
"But I am too angry! I don't want to, and furthermore,
I am tired of being treated this way!"
OK let's start from that perspective:
Set up, at the Karate Chop Point or Sore Spot:
Even though I am enjoying being angry and placing blame, I love & accept myself anyway.
Even though I'd rather be miserable than enjoy peace within,
it's my choice and I have ever right to be miserable!
Even though I am really enjoying all this anger,
I know I am justified!
TH: It is my anger and I like it
EB: Why shouldn't I like it?
OE: It really makes me feel good!
UE: Or does it?
UN: It helps me feel right and justified in my position!
CH: I have to keep it.
CB: I like it and it helps me feel safe.
UA: Or maybe it doesn't
TH: All this anger and frustration
EB: It's mine and you can't have it,
OE: It's working great for me!
UE: Or maybe it isn't...
UN: Of course it is!
CH: Or maybe it's not...
CB: It is working great!
UA: Or maybe I could choose peace.
Hopefully after tapping through the above a few times, you are feeling calmer and have restored your ability to laugh at yourself. If you are not there yet, it is time to reconsider that review of contributing life experiences to see what seems to require and deserves your time and attention. Remember this is a process and not a race, so be kind and gentle with yourself. You are worth it.
If you experience difficulty sorting through things, call a tapping buddy or contact your favorite EFT Practitioner! Remember, you are worth it and you deserve the best. Don't think so? Time to find someone to tap with....
Gratitude & peace within,