A Complex Case
Doubts and Self-empowerment - The Return of Hair and more -
Here is a detailed case by EFT Master Sophia Cayer that emphasizes the need to address the doubts of our clients. Sophia says, "Even though Mabel has experienced undeniable progress, I believe that rising doubts or skepticism can impede progress. It is important to EFT your way through each doubt or fear as it surfaces in order to receive optimum results."
My gratitude to Mabel Elias, a remarkable lady, for allowing me to share her story.
I first had the great pleasure of working with Mabel at a Health Intensive held in Georgia, May of 2006. In spite of her skepticism, she was pleasantly surprised about her progress. Mabel had been told by the doctors that the cartilage was gone between her lower spinal discs, and that she would have to learn to tough it out and survive on prescription pain medication.
After one session, she was able to stand without the pain that, as she put it, had been her constant companion for many years. Weeks later in an email to me, one of her comments was: "Being the universal skeptic that I am, I expected that it was a transient effect and would not last." It has now been more than a year and Mabel remains pleased with results and reports no need for pain meds.
We hadn't spoken since the retreat, and then a few months ago I received a phone call. Mabel decided it was time to consider doing a few sessions, related to other issues. For years she had been battling a hair loss condition, as well as a hearing issue. (The hair loss, she had been told, was the result of her hair follicles closing down.) I could sense that a certain amount of EFT skepticism remained, in spite of her previous success. It was quite understandable, since she had invested a great deal of time and energy in finding answers through conventional routes and hadn't made the progress she had hoped for. She was convinced that she was dealing with situations that she simply had to live with.
As our work together resumed, I quickly learned that through the years Mabel had become a master at masking and stuffing emotions. Life situations put her in a position where for years she was forced to appear strong and powerful, even when she was at her lowest. The resultant stress had taken its toll.
During the first few sessions (4 or 5) we uncovered a raft of shame, guilt, resentment and more. And while Mabel was feeling much better having worked through several events, clearing the related stuffed emotions, as yet nothing seemed to be happening with the physical challenges.
I called Mabel for our next session, and she began by telling me: "Something good happened at our last session. I think something must have shifted. My whole aspect is different. I think that I see a lot of new hairs on top of my head that weren't there before. Kind of unbelievable, and yet there it is, and I can't deny it."
"I've been working on my ears, in the beginning didn't do homework, but I am beginning to be less skeptical of the whole thing. I've been reading The Promise of Energy Psychology, and the scientific basis for what we have been doing. I'm getting a lot out of it and our sessions too."
"When I consider all these things we have worked on, I'm just considering them as past events. They don't have electricity anymore. I don't worry about them, or obsess about them. Something really good has been happening to me. It has been a tremendous help in my life and I thank you for that. I am responding and that's a wonderful thing."
"My body, I do believe is healing itself. My hair follicles are trying to open up and fill in the bald spots and I am really confident and optimistic. I told you and you remarked on it, I had given up, and was filled with despair. And really I was considering the next alternative; that was to go to California and get fitted for a good natural hair wig. I am not considering that anymore. My hair feels different, feels better to me, much softer, and less frizzy. I look in the mirror and I am beginning to like it. I am excited about it."
Even through Mabel's excitement, I picked up on her concern that this might not last, and felt we needed to address those concerns while they were fresh. I reminded her of her comment that this was 'unbelievable', and asked what it felt like. Was it more about the fear it wouldn't last? Or was it more about the stunned disbelief or possibly that her progress might not continue?
Mabel responded that she was afraid all those things applied, as well as a concern that what she was seeing was only wishful thinking.
It is important to address the doubts as they arise. Ignoring them could well impair progress. I asked her to let me know what concern seemed to be the most predominant.
She then began to share her thoughts: "What if I am seeing what I want to see and it is not really true? What if somehow it goes back to the way it was? Every time I am looking to see if it is really happening. You are talking to a person who went to Hot Springs to an interventional dermatologist for a hair transplant. I would have gone through with it, but I was told I was not a good candidate. For me to say my hair is coming back is kind of a stunning thing, given where I was and where I am now. I am slightly incredulous, seeing some absolute definite improvement. I can see short hairs in those spots."
I asked her to return to her concerns about progress being unbelievable, and tell me if there was any intensity. I emphasized that this was one of those issue that needed addressing, even it there was no emotional charge.
Mabel told me there seemed to be no intensity. She said she didn't want to dwell on it, because she feared if we investigated it too closely, her good fortune would change. "It's hard putting it in words. For me to have dealt with it for so many years, to just say it's gone, is too simplistic!"
"Even though I have all these concerns that I am only seeing what I want to be seeing, this is just too good to be true. How could I possibly accept this blessing? I've worked so hard for so many years trying to fix this problem, how could it be gone this easy? I love and forgive myself. I choose to let go of this skepticism and all this concern that this is really not happening."
"I am so happy and grateful that in spite of my doubts, this stuff is working. I love and forgive myself."
"I am so happy and grateful that all these hair follicles are waking up."
"Even though I still have some doubts, this is simply too good to be true. I choose to accept my good fortune."
"All these doubts and concerns, this incredulous feeling. I love and adore myself. I choose to accept this blessing."
"It feels great, letting go of all these doubts and fears, of this feeling that I can't quite explain. There is still a part of me that's really concerned, this won't last, it couldn't possibly last. How could I fix this so easily? I choose to accept it."
When I checked in with Mabel, I asked her to consider looking in the mirror to see how things looked and felt. She made her way to the mirror and reported: "My hair looks good! It looks restored. I am happy when I look in the mirror. I'm not critically looking at it now. I know the spots will be filled in. I feel great hope for future." While Mabel sounded much less skeptical, she admitted that as much as her doubts had dissipated, some remained.
"Even though a part of me is completely convinced, this is simply too good to be true, I love and accept myself. I choose to enthusiastically embrace this blessing."
"Even though a part of me is firmly convinced this is just too good to be true. I choose to accept it. I choose to accept it with great joy. I am so happy and grateful, that I have overcome this hurdle."
"I am so happy and grateful for this amazing blessing, that I still find unbelievable, I choose to accept it."
:I am so happy and grateful that I have broken through the barrier. I joyfully accept this blessing. Letting go of that energy, that seems to be stuck in doubt. Transforming that energy into gratitude. I am so happy and grateful to receive this blessing."
At this point Mabel told me that as she was tapping, she experienced a bit of a revelation coming to mind - about the 'proof of the pudding'. She had stopped taking everything the doctor had given her, and had only been taking a general over the counter supplement for thyroid and adrenal health. She had come to the realization that EFT had to be responsible for the change. It was the only tool she had been using. I asked her to do her best to return to those feelings of doubt and see how much validity they might still hold. Mabel said she now found it believable, could accept it and quit doubting. This is a situation where testing could require time. Not until she is in her daily routine for a while will we know for sure if her optimism will remain. Hopefully her doubts and skepticism have been eliminated and will not hinder her continuing progress. If they do return, even minimally, she is aware of the need to address them as they surface. This is a point worth emphasizing. Even though Mabel has experienced undeniable progress, I believe that rising doubts or skepticism can impede progress. It is important to EFT your way through each doubt or fear as it surfaces in order to receive optimum results. For the moment, we were convinced we had accomplished all we could where her hair was concerned and decided it was time to approach the hearing challenge. Mabel gleefully shared an early morning success with me. She had experienced an annoying crackling sound in her ears that morning, and shared her success in bringing to a manageable level. This seemed truly remarkable to her, since she wasn't one to do EFT homework. She explained how she tapped and to turn the volume down and off. "I stopped it, my body stopped it� I feel empowered by the whole thing." I share this part with you because many seem to feel they cannot tap on their own, or they simply choose not to do so. If you happen to be one of those people, please consider giving it a try. Like Mabel, you could end up being pleasantly surprised, possibly experiencing that same feeling of empowerment. She was always aware of noise that she described as the sound of a transmitter off station. The noise had a tendency to intensify when things were quiet. We had done a little work in this regard in previous sessions, working our way through several events that appeared to be obvious contributing factors. Since the challenge remained, it was time to dig deeper. As we began to search for answers, my ears perked up when I heard Mabel make the comment: "In the still silence is when it continues to be just like the poor, always with me." I asked her to enlighten me. She explained that Jesus had once said, 'the poor will always be with us', and that was how she felt about the noise in her ears."
"Even though this hearing challenge, is going to be just like the poor, it's always going to be with me, I love and accept self."
"Even though I am sure this challenge with my hearing, just like the poor is always going to be with me, I choose to change this. I want to change this."
"Even though a part of me, is completely convinced, that this is just a way of life, this is the way it is, just like Jesus said, the poor will always be with us. The same goes for my hearing, I completely believe it. A part of me has bought the program, this will never change. In the still of the silence, I am always going to hear that noise. Yes I will. No I won't. Yes I will. No I won't. Who are you kidding? You have had it for this long, what makes you think you could get rid of it now? You think you are in charge here? Yes I am! You'll never get rid of it. Well maybe I could. No you won't. Yes I will, I'm gonna do it, and you can't stop me! In this moment, I choose to let it go. I choose to step into my power, knowing I can accomplish anything I choose."
Mabel: "I am beginning to believe I can run anything off. I like it." I asked her to think about those absolute truths or beliefs, such as 'like the poor, they will always be with us', and see how those things now felt with relation to her hearing. She told me that now, it didn't sound true at all. I asked Mabel to dig a little deeper, actually a little surprised myself at how quickly that particular belief seemed to turn around. Mabel told me: "I think I can run this off, I can stop it." As much as I could test it in the moment, she continued to appear confident. We chatted about the importance of her accomplishment. By eliminating this limiting belief, it opened doors that allowed her greater opportunity to indeed 'run this off'. In my experience, unless there is another aspect behind it that has yet to surface, progress will tend to be more rapid. Keep this in mind when you are working through issues. Sometimes the offhand remarks we make in passing, are themes that can be running through our subconscious mind slowing or stopping progress. Address them with the understanding that if they come to mind, they matter. It was time to revisit some of our work done in a previous session, to be sure that it was holding, and see if new aspects might be surfacing. During that process, a few memories that Mabel had so neatly stowed away began to surface. They clearly were events and situations we had never touched on, but that demanded our attention. Since Mabel has so graciously offered to share her story, using her true identity, I want to honor her privacy by offering minimal personal details. I will share with you that the mixed emotions and her concern about their appropriateness came about because much of this relates to her late husband. We explored the details to learn that she was experiencing both guilt and anger. The guilt felt more intense.
"Even though I am feeling really guilty, I acted human, I love and forgive myself."
"Even though I am filled with guilt, I can't believe I yelled at him."
"I still see that picture in my mind. I love and forgive myself. All this guilt, I acted human, I had no right, to yell at him. He couldn't help it. Why did I have to yell? He had hearing aids! All this guilt, why did I yell? That wasn't very nice. It wasn't a pretty picture, all this guilt and frustration. I just wanted things to be balanced. I just wanted peace. All this guilt, all this anger with myself. This guilt and anger. I love and forgive myself."
"I just wanted peace. I only wanted peace. I lost it in the moment, but I only wanted peace."
When I checked in, the guilt was subsiding but mixed emotions were taking place. Due to circumstances, she never felt it appropriate to allow herself the luxury of feeling angry. To her, even though it now felt undeniable, she was struggling with. As we chatted about it the anger began to rise and we began to tap:
"Even though I am absolutely furious, how dare he! I love and accept myself."
"Even though I am incredibly angry, it feels good to finally admit it. I can't believe he did this. I am absolutely furious! What was he thinking? I am angry, and it feels good to say it. I have kept this bottled up for far too long. I am still angry with him. Why did he have to do that? He was intelligent man. Why did he do something so ridiculous and irresponsible? What about me? I am so angry. How could he do this? I can't believe he did it. I am really angry. He stole my peace. He took my happiness."
"I choose peace. It feels good to say this. It feels good to finally acknowledge it, by acknowledging it, it empowers me, and allows me to be open to change."
The instant we stopped tapping, Mabel said she felt as if she had stirred up a pot. She had not allowed herself to even think about being that angry with him. She was feeling cheated and disappointed. As she spoke, I could hear the emotional intensity rising. We began to tap starting at the top of the head, and continued through the sequence repeatedly.
"Even though I am feeling really cheated, I am angry about this. The promise was broken and all my hopes went down the drain. I had this vision, we would grow old together, and it just didn't happen. I feel cheated. I don't like it. Feeling frustrated and cheated. This is not the way things were supposed to be. I was disrespected. I can't believe this happened. I really feel cheated. Such a terrible loss. All this sadness and frustration. Feeling cheated, cheated. He left me. I can't believe he left me. All these mixed emotions. Feeling sad and cheated. I choose peace within."
She then said, "I am a lot more peaceful about it than I was a few minutes ago."
We were getting close to time for the session to end. I asked Mabel to view this as a beginning, since there could be many related events and emotions. I inquired as to how she was feeling overall.
Mabel said she was feeling ok, and not troubled about it. I asked if she were going to stuff it away again until our next work together, and she quickly replied, "Yes, I am practiced at that."
I then suggested to her that that was a challenge I felt confident she could overcome, when she felt ready to do so. We agreed that with a little work, we should be able to substitute a new habit; something more uplifting and empowering.
I would ask you to consider this possibility when you are working to clear issues and deal with habits that don't seem to serve you well.
In my book "EFT Language - Creating It & Going With The Flow -Book 1" there is a chapter on "Transforming the Energy". If you are inclined I would suggest you read it with an open mind. It might assist you in learning how the energy of those beliefs and habits that slow you down could be transformed into an energy that better serves and empowers you.