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  • Sophia Cayer

Dysfunctional Family Holidays – Tapping Tips & Scripts

Updated: May 23, 2020

Happy Holidays!?

So exactly what the heck defines a “nice normal family” anyway? In your case dysfunctional or toxic may well be the only norm you’ve ever known!

This time of year you are faced by bubbly friends and co-workers, excited about plans with family. You do your best to put on a happy face since their enthusiasm only serves to amplify your sense of dread. 

So how do you navigate and sanely survive the holidays?

It all depends on your situation:

1. The sense of obligation may make you go, in spite of your better judgment. 

2.You may be among the brave who have found a way to gracefully bow out, but feel you’ve done something wrong.

3. You might be languishing in guilt or shame, because the holidays are a painful reminder that you chose to completely disconnect.  

1. For those feeling obligated to be present:

Prepare yourself ahead of time:

Set-up: (side of the hand)

         Even though they seem to thrive on making me miserable,

         my shields are up and I remain unaffected!

Sequence: (Two times)

         TH:  All this anticipation and dread.

         EB:  Here we go again!

         OE:  Why do they act this way?

         UE:  All these putdowns

         UN:  All this one-upsmanship

         CH:  It’s just too much!

         CB:  Incredibly glad

         UA:  My shields are up!


Set-up: (side of the hand)

         Even though they make me seethe until I feel the need to retaliate, I choose honor and respect myself.


         TH:  They get to me

         EB:   I can’t help it!

         OE:  Too much for too long

         UE:  Enough is enough!

         UN:  Can’t make them stop

         CH:  They don’t care to hear me

         CB:  Who wouldn’t be seething!

         UA:  Have to retaliate!

         TH:  Or maybe I don’t

         EB:  You’ve got to be kidding!

         OE:  They won’t stop until I react!

         UE:  Or maybe that will fuel the fire.

         UN:  Exactly what they want!

         CH:  I choose to honor and respect myself.

         CB:  Rising above it all.

         UA:  Generating peace within.


Set-up: (side of the hand)

         Even though they enjoy creating emotional chaos, I choose not to play the game!

Sequence: (two times)

         TH: Those verbal jabs,

         EB: Trying to pull me in.

         OE: It is so painful

         UE: WAY Too familiar!

         UN: It makes me so sad and angry

         CH: How could I feel any other way!

         CB: But the wiser part of me knows.

         UA: I don’t have to play the game.

If none of the scripts above resonate for you, or a “favorite” annoyance comes to mind, please tap on it!  The sound of someone’s voice or laugh, their body language, a particular phrase or anything that you KNOW always gets to you, make up your mind to tap your way through it ahead of time.  Even if you only end up with temporary relieve, at least you’ll make the holidays a little more tolerable.

AND just in case: Have an exit strategy, and don’t be afraid to use it!  

2. You’ve done what’s right and gracefully bowed out but feel you’ve done something wrong.


         Even though some part of me feels I am breaking the rules,  (hurting their feelings or disappointing them), I choose to feel good about honoring and respecting myself.


         TH: It just feels wrong!

         EB: They aren’t happy this.

         OE: It’s all my fault!

         UE: I’ve ruined it for them.

         UN: It’s just not right!

         CH: What was I thinking?!

         CB: Maybe for the first time,

         UA: I thought of myself!

         TH:  That can’t be right!

         EB:  They taught me that’s selfish.

         OE:  It just feels wrong,

         UE:  Or maybe I was conditioned to feel that way.

         UN:  Maybe it is time,

         CH: To honor and respect myself.

         CB:  May it is more than okay,

         UA:  To do something I’ll enjoy.

3. The painful holiday reminder of disconnection:


Even though I can’t let go of this guilt and shame, the wiser part of me knows I did what was best for me.


TH:  This guilt and shame, 

EB:  That just won’t leave me. 

OE:  Couldn’t take it anymore.

UE:  Something had to change.

UN:  It was toxic and hurtful.

CH:  But somehow now, this feels worse.

CB:  All this guilt and shame.

UA:  I can’t seem to let it go.

TH:  Maybe I could have made it better.

EB:  Maybe I should have changed.

OE:  Or maybe I did exactly what was right for me!

UE:  This guilt and shame.

UN:  I’d like to let it go

CH:  The wiser part of me knows

CB:  I deserve joy and happiness

UA:  And true peace within.

A few more things to consider, regardless of your situation:

A tapping rant!  Whether it is anger, frustration or whatever else you feel – visualize the family member of your choice and tapping through the sequence, repeating the sequence as many times as you like (or feel the need), expressing your feeling and saying exactly what you’ve always wanted to and never dared to say! Don’t hold back.  You may be pleasantly surprised by the release you begin to feel.

Constantly remind yourself:

“It’s their stuff and it doesn’t have to mine!” 

Intrusive questions you don’t care to answer?

Smile and say: “Why do you ask?” 

Chances are their response will be lame or more intrusive. No matter what the response, it is okay to say it is something you’d rather not discuss, change the subject or walk away with a smile on your face!

Smile, no matter what! Let them wonder what you are up to.

Besides, smiling anytime always does a body good! : )

And if you are ready to initiate change, you might want to check out “Dragonfly Holidays?”

May what’s offered here spark your creativity, help you connect with your feelings and give you hope. 

Wishing you love, peace and enjoyable holidays, no matter where you are or what you choose to do.


P.S.  If I may be of assist please reach out.  Whether you have a question or want to make a comment, it is always a pleasure to hear from you!

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